Topping From the Bottom

Topping from the bottom is a phrase used in some BDSM communities when the person in a submissive or receiving role attempts to direct a scene in a way that conflicts with an agreed dynamic. The phrase can be useful for discussing mismatched expectations, but it is sometimes used dismissively when someone is actually voicing a need, limit, or safety concern.

No power dynamic removes a person’s right to speak. Before treating a concern as “topping from the bottom,” it is worth returning to communication and the original agreement. In a healthy Dom/Sub relationship, consent and feedback are information, not disobedience.